This is the question I hear the most often and usually with the most frustration. It’s a brand new PC, you’ve laid out a significant chunk of change for it, and you were told it would be screaming fast. Now here you are staring at an hourglass or a rotating circle and waiting… and waiting.

So here’s the thing — your new (or old) PC really is very fast. Right now while you’re staring at it, it is doing a lot of things at breakneck speed. The problem is none of the things it is doing are of much good to you and there’s just nothing left over for you to use. I’ll explain:

The other day I had Brian from Big Brian’s Locksmithing over to the house for a job (hey, blatant plug for Brian—good man, highly recommend him), and he asked me what the main problem was with all the PCs I saw.

After a pause, I said, “the user,” and he laughed like I expected. You see, I’ve heard this question before. This time, however, I got to thinking after he left, and as fun as that answer may be, it’s wrong. Repeat after me, “It’s not my fault.” That’s right, it’s not your fault. You’re behind the 8-ball as soon as you plug it in. Through no fault of your own, you are now the proud owner of a brick-like machine and wondering where you went wrong. You didn’t. You had plenty of help.

When you buy a new computer or even a used one, you turn it on and you are deluged with pop-ups and decisions and advertising and a great deal of visual noise vying for your attention (and money, don’t forget the money). Ever wonder why computers are so cheap, relatively speaking, compared to a few years ago? One of the big contributors to this dramatic affordability is all that advertising you see on your new machine. Each of the vendors of that software has paid the manufacturer a fee to include their software, in the hope you’ll take the bait and pay them their annual ransom. Often, what you’re seeing doesn’t look like advertising at all but a vital application that you’re not sure if you need or not. After all, it’s on there, there must be a reason for it, right? No, no, no.

The truth is that at the simplest and most functional level, your new PC only needs three things. First, you need stable hardware which, since it’s new, we are going to assume you have. Second, you need the operating system, be it XP, Vista, Windows 7, Linux or whatever. Third, you need the drivers for the operating system to communicate with and use the hardware. That’s it. But when you look at your list of installed programs, you can often see three or even four pages of programs there. Some of this is actually useful and necessary. For example, you absolutely must have a working antivirus program. And if you’re planning to communicate with the rest of the world or get something done you’ll need a productivity suite such as Microsoft Office. Going to go online ever? Ok, you’re going to need Adobe’s flash player (might as well throw in the free Adobe reader as well) and an updated version of Java. We’re still less than a page of programs here, so what’s all the rest of this stuff? Do you need it? With very few exceptions, probably not. Not only do you not need it, but this is very likely the gunk that’s using up all of the resources in your system, leaving you sitting there waiting for a chance to use it.

What to do?

You’ve got some options and some choices to make. You can start deleting programs if you’re feeling frisky (obligatory legal disclaimer: I am NOT telling you to start wholesale removal of anything in your system. These are things that should not be undertaken lightly and without proper homework), and looking for entries you can remove from your startup menu to trim running processes. Here’s the problem with this approach, however carefully planned and executed. Have you seen the game Jenga? It’s a bunch of sticks of wood stacked up and you pull pieces out until it falls. So imagine if you paint half of those pieces red and mix them well into the stack. Now pull them all out. If it doesn’t fall over, what are you left with? A precarious and clearly unstable construction that doesn’t know which way to fall. Now what if you built your pile without any of those red pieces, what would you have? A brick. You could stand on it. It’s solid, stable, reliable. So here’s the absolute words-carved-in-stone answer to your brand new, frustratingly slow, PC: Have it rebuilt without any of that junk in the first place. I don’t mean to just reload the backup image from the recovery partition that’s included on most machines nowadays, I mean wipe it clean down to a bare drive and build it back up from there with only what you need or want.

So why go to all this trouble and further expense — after all it’s a brand new machine, right? Because the difference in your experience with that machine after this process simply can’t be overstated—the change is truly profound. I usually just say that the machine will run twice as fast and last twice as long but this isn’t exactly accurate. Remember this machine is already fast, it’s just not doing anything you want. Modern PCs work at blazing speed, doing an enormous amount of useless tasks behind the scenes that really don’t amount to a hill of beans for you. You just want your computer to work and do what you tell it do and preferably sometime today, thank you very much.

The difference is that now all of those resources that were being wasted before are now yours to command—the way it should have been when you first turned it on. Not to mention the happy by-product that all the conflict and issues, headaches and hassles seem to have magically disappeared and you are now wondering why anyone would bash a PC — it works, period. What’s this about it lasting twice as long, though?

We already know that machine is working very hard, probably at near peak capacity that’s why your experience with it is so glacial. Clearly a computer running that hard all the time isn’t going to last near as long as one that is allowed to function and flourish in a sane situation. Want to get the most out of your investment? Make it yours — have it fully rebuilt by a competent professional as soon as you get it. This should not be mistaken for a sales pitch. You don’t have to get your oil changed by the guy who tells you it’s time to get it done — just get it done. This one piece of advice will carry you farther along your path of happy PC destiny than anything else I might share with you.

Call Update

The phone fishing scheme I mentioned in a previous article has been traced to a company out of Calcutta by the name of SupportOnClick. Avoid them at all costs. Unfortunately, being based where they are puts them beyond the reach of our authorities, so be vigilant and forewarned.

Windows 7

This is finally an Operating System worthy of switching to from our venerable and much-loved XP. If your PC is currently running Vista, the chances of a successful upgrade to a better way are almost certain. If you are currently running XP, get an evaluation of your system before taking the leap to see if your hardware and programs will be compatible or if you might be better off with a new machine. More on this satisfying new OS later.

• E-mail Snoqualmie’s own PC doc Jack Scheidegger at jack@svpcmd.com