As another round of snow beset the Valley last week, I didn’t want to venture out of my hidey-hole into the elements. I didn’t even want to get out of bed.

This weather, I thought, had to be an aberration, something dreamed up by an idle mind, something that would make a good bumper sticker. Something like “March into Snow” or “March King, John Phillip Snowsa.”

The weather wonks are either very decisive or very evasive. On the one hand, they will say, “There is a possibility of rain possibly mixed with snow, in the higher elevations it will be snow. At sea level it could turn to snow as the front passes.” At the same time, they pass along an alternativae forecast for a heavy storm watch from the National Weather Service. It seems the weather wonks don’t want to take the blame for that big storm.

So if the weather isn’t all about the big storms, is it about which weather glam is the most glamorous?

The male weather forecaster is at a decided disadvantage by virtue of his gender. He tries to make up for it by dressing “to the nines.” However, a snappy suit and tie combination just can’t hold a candle to a provocative red dress.

Somehow or other, it has gotten to be Sunday, and the snow is over a foot deep in my front yard and atop the car. I can’t even get out of the driveway. The weather report that day said, “Wait ‘til after Monday, it’ll all go away.”

Excuse me, the following Sunday there was still about six inches of white stuff on the ground, in spite of the rain that started the day before.

I live in a rural area of North Bend, up a hill about 1,100 feet in elevation. I’m in a neighborhood not covered when the news stations show someone standing in foot-deep snow. From the valley floor level, our little sub-division is almost invisible. I remember news vans would set up at the weigh station on Highway 18 and begin their reports saying, “Here we are at Snoqualmie Pass…” In our neighborhood, when it gets to be 45 degrees in Seattle, it’s still 32 degrees in my backyard. But not anymore.

Sometimes I get tired of being ignored. Send one of those roving reporters up here. I’ll give him or her a cup of coffee, hot chocolate, hot tea or whatever is requested, just come up and see what some of your audience is living through.

My dear grandmother used to say, “It’s just Seattle’s liquid sunshine,” when talking about the rain. Maybe she could shed some light for us now. I may go into some kind of séance, or use tarot cards, or do a palm reading or maybe look at the tea leaves in an old cup of tea for her wisdom.

I would ask dear old departed Grandma what words of wisdom she would have to share about all this snow.

I can see it now, sitting around a table in a dark room, everyone holding hands, a crystal ball in the middle of the table which is covered by a black cloth. OK, Granny, do your thing.

“Listen, LISTEN, I’m getting something. Bob, it’s your grandmother, what do you want to ask her?”

“Dear Grandma,” I begin, “since you’ve been gone, lots has happened.”

The medium interrupts me, saying, “Ask your question.”

“Grandma, with all this global warming, why is it snowing so much in March?”

We hear a clanking of chains and I hear a raspy voice. (For the record, my grandmother never wore chains or had a raspy voice.)

“It’s the sins of your youth, Bobby. You’re doomed to eternal snow in March and maybe into April.”

Fade out with a hairy laugh. (I hope wherever she is, it’s warm.)

Everyone remembers what it is like when it warms up. We enjoy the first few days of warm weather. But then, give us some days of hot weather and everyone starts saying, “this is too hot, I wish it was winter again.” Maybe you have said that exact same phrase.

There are days in summer when I know its going to be HOT. My cure for a really hot day is to grab an inner tube, preferably a large one, get a six pack of your favorite quaff and head for Rattlesnake Lake. Wade out, hop in the tube, tie the six pack to your big toe and enjoy floating around and beating the heat.

But it is still winter, the winds are still blowing, and the snow is still snowing. For now, the best defense is either sitting in the hot tub with a drink in hand or curling up in front of a warm fire with your arm around your favorite person or holding your favorite book.

Either way, the watch words are “stay warm in the winter and maintain cool all the time.”