Are you ready? Are you really ready? I’ve heard that football song so many times in the past couple of weeks, I’m ready all right. I’m ready for some baseball!

How about the New Year? Are you ready? I’m not! It just comes on too fast. I mean, just a few days ago it was 2009 and now look, it’s 2010 already. On top of that, this year I have to detail my New Year’s resolutions right here in a public newspaper where everyone can read them. So I will, but please promise me you won’t keep this article and wave it in my face next year at this time.

1: I promise for the New Year I will slack off picking on Californians. I keep forgetting, you can’t help it, you had no say in the matter. It was your parent’s decision on where to live.

2: I will no longer endorse any of the “watering” spots in the Valley. They don’t even know I have ever written about them anyway. And furthermore, I have never been offered a free drink by any of them. (Maybe they really don’t know how to read.)

3: No more jibes about Mount Si High grads. Except, I do know one who was convinced that a Thesaurus was a religious book of some kind.

4: No more digs at folks on the Ridge. That’s just because the local TV stations think that you are the gauge for all the weather in the Valley.

5: Speaking of local weather stations. I would like to nominate a certain remote reporteress on one of our TV stations for the “Bob, Bobble-Head Bobbing Award” of 2009. I don’t see how this woman can talk while looking at the camera and still keeping her head bobbing. Do you know anyone who really talks like that?

6: Sorry, that wasn’t a resolution but I had to get it off my chest.

7: I resolve to quit smoking. This is an easy one since I don’t smoke anyway.

8: I don’t see the need to diet, I’m not overweight. If you are, feel free to borrow this resolution.

9: I will endeavor to learn the names of everyone in our cul-de-sac. After all there are only five homes, and we have only lived here 20 years.

10: I have two unfinished novels I want to finish, plus a book of poems for youngsters. I promise to make time to work those to completion. Do you know an illustrator who would work for royalties? (If any).

11: I will clean out the garage. For the second time since I built the tool shed out back.

12: I will clean out the tool shed out back.

13: I promise to smile at complete strangers at the store and wish them a pleasant “Good Morning” or “Afternoon,” whichever is appropriate.

Thirteen has always been my lucky number, so I will end my list there. I give my permission to borrow any of my resolutions that may fit in your own personal lists.

I also have to confess, I usually break all my resolutions after one or two months. Good luck with yours, and Happy New Year!

• Bob Edwards is a North Bend resident and member of Sno Valley Writes!